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A common assumption we hear at The Hotline is that abuse is caused by a partner’s mental health condition, for example: bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), narcissistic personality, borderline personality or antisocial personality.While these are serious mental health conditions, they do not causes a partner to be abusive in a relationship; however, there are a select few diagnoses that can increase the risk of abusive patterns to show up in a relationship and in other areas of life.Mental illness tends to impact all areas of a person’s life, such as work, interactions with friends, family engagement and personal relationships.In contrast, abuse primarily impacts personal relationships and typically not the other areas of life.If a partner is abusive towards you, regardless of whether they have a mental illness or not, they have no right to treat you in that manner.You always deserve to have a healthy, loving, supportive, trusting and safe relationship 100% of the time. If your partner is not owning up to their actions, is not admitting to how much they’re hurting you, and is not seeking out professional help then that’s a sign that your partner isn’t willing to change.If that’s the case, then the abuse in the relationship tends to continue and escalate over time.

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The impact of being the only person to see this behavior is often isolating for the victim, as they may think (or the abusive person may even say) that no one else will believe them, since no one else has witnessed the abusive behaviors.

This also makes it easier for the abusive person to make their partner feel responsible for their abusive behavior, which reinforces the isolation.